Suffocation
by Iplaythefool
Summary: I hate the mafia so much it has changed me so much I cannot even recognized what I have become, is this even living if it is all a lie, death seems Kinder.


Tsuna has forgotten what it is like to be carefree, he hated that he was forced to become a Mafia Boss but he relented eventually, it was horrible in the beginning the killing, he had many nightmare dreams filled with nothing but blood.

He felt nothing but disgust with himself yet his guardians say it will become easier_ and he wonders how could this get easier, the smell of blood is __suffocating, it feels sticky, the fear in their eyes before they die,_ this reminds of why he hates the mafia but he will change it.

It not as easy for people don't want to change things when they are already comfortable, after all in their mind,_ Why change what is already working,_ and that makes him determined to not give up so kids won't have to be forced to have blood on their hands so young, childhoods non-existent. But there only so much he could do in his generation.

Some days Tsuna simply wished he fled and never looked back because some days when he looks in the mirror he doesn't recognize the face that stares back at him. As he grew older his eyes gained a tired exhausted look his guardians worried yet can they not see that his guilt is eating him alive. His smile for Lambo and I-pin is growing more fake as the days go boy some days he can't even look at them without seeing blood fearing he will hurt them

Progress is slow, sometimes he wonders if he is even helping, will his changes be undone in a few years, forgotten as time goes bye. His friends and enemies see his kindness as a weakness saying he needs to stop being so kind, and that he is a pushover, that he will get himself killed one day, uncaring that they are pushing their ways onto him, trying to change, him to become someone he is not. He wonders when his choice simply stop mattering to _his Friends to those he viewed as his family,_ It frightens him as years harden not only him but his guardians but him more.

These expectation are becoming to much to bear he doubts they even want change as this point because they are already satisfied with what they have now, as he looks at them he wonders where has his friends gone the coldness in their eyes as they kill with ease and continued to lives happily. They do not care for those who suffer because of their love to cause chaos without remorse of those around them.

**The Mist ****Guardians**

As he stares a Mukuro as he claims to hate the mafia yet he seems to thrive in it better than all of them deceiving with a terrifying ease.

Chrome is more loyal to Mukuro he is not surprised and still follows him uncaring of the what happens to anyone innocent or not.

**The Cloud Guardian**

Kyoya loves the thrill of battle and there is not a single bit of remorse in his eyes and he loves the chase as his enemies flee in fear.

**The Storm ****Guardian**

Hayato honestly loves his bombs causing destruction without consequences seeming fearless and free without restrictions.

**The Sun Guardian**

Ryohei seems to enjoying battling and ignores anything that is bad and doesn't fit his idea of extreme.

**The ****Lightning Guardian**

Lambo seems to find the mafia amusing and toys with people and finds it boring at the same time watching the world with a lazy eye.

**The Rain Guardian**

Finally Takeshi just makes him sad because he wished for true friends and acceptance and lived in denial of the terrible things in life yet joking will still covered in blood scares him and he silently wonders _if his friend had gone insane because the rest of his guardians do not seem worried._

**The Cold Sky**

As he watches his friends he wonder what had went wrong what did he do wrong, he feel his emotions freeze and wither, his smiles has disappeared and he focuses on work hoping that will speed up the change in this blood filled world and in beginning his Family are unbelievingly proud, then they get worried as they see coldness is his eyes the sharp glint that appears that was never there before and soon he too stops hesitating in his kills.

All_ he sees is the mission he gave himself too make sure there are no more child killers, uncaring if he is happy anymore for all he has is this one **Goal and he will do it **__**with his Dying Will. **_His feelings for Kyoko have long disappeared revealing that they were truly nothing more than a childish crush but he marries her anyway because it is expected of him and his feeling never mattered.

Plus he needs to give Vongola a heir so he or she can continue his work, so it will not become undone but he or she will be raised with the knowledge that they will inherit it doesn't matter if he is happy for nothing has truly been his choice so as long as it gets done so he will smile fakely and pretend everything is ok because for doing this service she at least deserves a good husband for what she is doing.

His guardian question why he seems so happy with Kyoko yet never smiles there _and if he cared he would have laugh at the fact they did not see the emptiness in his smile, _so he lies through his teeth with ease as it has become almost second nature after all he was taught by the very best. He tells them that she is the light of his life and it is easier to smile with her because she is innocent, and he doesn't want to be underestimated, and h_e jokes with hidden coldness that who would smile while doing paperwork._

And they nod with acceptance for they all hate paperwork though Reborn seems truly proud that his student came out so well. Sometimes Tsuna wishes to hate them for they are so blind to the truth but he thinks both the positive and negative emotion have been dragged out of him, he is _**So damn tired.**_ Though it is a good thing they believed his lie because he doesn't think he can bring himself to even fake a smile at the Vongola mansion.

Some days he wishes for death for that seems kinder _**because living a lie doesn't seem to be living at all.**_

_**But at least his sacrifice is for the greater good.**_


End file.
